#iCant...

with gossip.

this was inspired while driving home from my sister's tonight. i couldn't write while driving, so i used the audio record feature on my Droid.

this is my first audio blog.  i had to research how-to upload audio files on a blog, it told me to add pics, make a "movie", so why not Dilla?

just some shit i had to say:

and remember:  "...it don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine!"

Random Thoughts

* The tattoo(s) on my left arm is symbolic. Every part of it represents someone I love. While in the hospital recovering from my car accident, I had a lot of time to think & plan it. It wasn't a fun or freaky thing to do, it was a spiritual journey. I photo-blogged & wrote about the experience. I'm working on the theme for my right arm now. #sleevestory

* "Turning Tables" from Adele's "21" album is the deepest song I've heard in awhile. I felt that shit from her soul because I can definitely relate.

* Speaking of dope music, The Roots new album "undun" will be out 12/6/11. This is the 1st single, "Make My" ft. Big K.R.I.T. #iCant WAIT!

* Photography is my creative passion, NOT my career. Know the difference.

* Speaking of career, I am going back to school to get my Masters; I don't care how many jobs I gotta work or what I gotta sacrifice to make this happen. I need$ that.

* I really have a thing for guys with beards. Like, it's not a preference anymore, it's a pre·req·ui·site.

* Halloween is this coming weekend and I have nada for costume ideas. Mi Madre has a big party every year, she makes costumes by hand and lots of preparation goes into this. I need to plan better. Sidebar: "Halloween" (the original one) is my favorite horror movie, Michael Myers is scary, I love being scared. Gotta dig that out of a box and watch it before October is over. And I need to find someone who can handle being scared to go to Field Of Screams with me. That place is the best haunted attraction ever.

* Speaking of my Mom, now that I've finally told her I can finally tell everyone else: I'm moving back to the city in January. I gave it a year here, I tried. I can't do it anymore. I am not doing what I moved here to do, I am not happy, I'm OUT. A lot of deep family shit went down this past year, so it was good to be here, close, rest up, heal. Then there's my goddaughter, the baby & her shit. It's always someone else's shit. I need my OWN shit to be about. With that being said, I'm OUT. Gonna work these 2 gigs, save money, get through the holidays with my family, then New Year it's new me, doing me. I miss you, Philly, I can't wait to come HOME.

* I had a very dope opportunity to move very far away. Not only did I consider it, I pursued it. I discussed my options with my siblings and a few close friends. The plan was to not tell my Mom until after her birthday; I didn't want to hear all of her reasons why my move was a bad idea (and I didn't want to add to the stresses we were already going through as a family following my Uncle Steve's suicide). My brother brought it up at a family gathering at my sister's one afternoon very nonchalantly, my Mom overheard it and reacted just as I anticipated. After a lot of thought, I decided I could not and would not do that to my family at this time, I need to be here, to be close. Besides, I have a lot of shit I need to handle here in the States first. I miss you, Jamaica, I'll be back again next year. RASCLAT!

"Don't throw stones and hide ya hands..."

(c) Jay Electronica.  So yeah.  I woke-up today and had an epiphany.  Kinda came to a conclusion.  These skeletons have to go...it's taking up too much energy & emotion that doesn't deserve my attention.  I need to clear these bones out and make room for good people, good energy and good times.

After many weeks (and in one case MONTHS) stressing out, trying to decide how to approach delicate, personal situations in a politically correct yet socially acceptable manner...I woke up today and 'unfriended' and 'unfollowed' these people.  The dead weight.  The new age way to let someone know - I ain't fuckin' with you no more.  #iCant.

To the 'friend' who ran shit I confided in you about to the person I was fuckin' w/ and cared about:  I hope that one night w/ him was worth losing my friendship.  He's awesome, ain't he?  Yeah, I know.  Been there, done that (before you!).  But I'm awesome too, bitch.  And even though y'all did it AFTER I was done w/ him...it's still grimey & you're a ratchet ass 'friend'.  I wanted to confront you for the longest - not fight you, not start no drama...I simply wanted to let you know that I knew.  And see the look on your face when I put it out there.  Yeah, he told me all about it.  B/c we're still cool.  Hell, I'm mad @ him too b/c that was some nut shit, but I'm done w/ him, he's not obligated to me.  YOU were.  We were FRIENDS.  And a man is gonna be a man.  I was not your little tag-along sometimey friend.  I was your GIRL.  No more.  We have nothing to talk about, to work out, I don't wanna hear your side.  I've seen you once since I found out months ago, you've reached out to me on FB and Twitter...noticed no response?  Yeah.  Kick rocks, bitch.  I have no room for you in my life.  And good luck w/ yours.  You will never have successful relationships w/ women b/c you are insecure and immature.  You won't be respected by men b/c you're running personal biz & then fuckin' behind your girls on top of all that...so continue to smile and play nice...what happens in the dark eventually comes to light.  Karma baby.

"How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours." ~ Wayne Dyer

 
To the 'former bew' who participated in the nut shit w/ the ratchet ass 'friend':  WE, me & you?  WE are not friends.  We are not associates.  We are done.  But we have mutual friends and acquaintances...let's keep it that way.  I never ran your shit, I never told others the things you confided in me about, I never kicked dirt on your name.  You simply don't exist to me anymore, and that's fine.  You no longer have anything to say to me or about me, let's keep it that way.  You are so fortunate I am not one of those impulsive, vengeful, nut ass broads who would put all your biz on Front St. and have you on blast to all the people who's thoughts & opinions you worry so much about.  What saddens me the most is not that you fucked her - and damn sure not that you're fuckin' someone else NOW - what saddens me the most is you are SO extremely talented yet so very insecure.  Don't worry about who I know, who knows me or how.  What you should have been grateful for is that I gave your ass some attention and invested time, energy & emotion into you...and all for what?  You disappointed me.  I thought we were so much better than that.

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." ~ 

Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Finally, YOU, last but not least and straight to the point:  You are a mofo LIAR.  We both know you lied and what you  lied about.  But it's all good.  Do you.  Keep snappin', keep talkin' shit...it's fucking ROTFLMFWAO that you would lie to someone who was a genuine, supportive friend to you.  I'm not some chick you had to lie to impress, we weren't fuckin' around!  That little lie led into a big lie and you couldn't keep living it.  Especially not when we were ending up in a lot of the same places, around the same people, doing the same things.  Yet I never exposed you.  I never called you out on your bullshit.  But I wrote you off too.  You don't deserve my friendship, my energy or the circle of people I put you on to.  They don't need me to tell them who you are and how you are, they're already finding out on their own.

"It is always good policy to tell the truth unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar" ~ Jerome K. Jerome

 

I am not a perfect person, nor do I claim to be.  I am comfortable w/ my flaws.  But my flaws do not involve other people.  My flaws don't include being a bad friend or a dishonest person.  My flaws don't hurt other people or cause conflict.  I don't have to lie about who I am, what I do or who I know to be 'down'.  I'll leave it to these ratchet ass mofo's above who are doing a damn good job w/ all of that.  You never hear of me in no he said/she said shit.  You never see me snappin' on people or putting business out there.  Because that's NOT who I am, not my twist.  And those three mofo's are about to find out the hard way I say what I mean and mean what I say.  

These things I am venting about on MY blog involve ME.  And it's anonymous.  If I was going to expose them, I would've done so a LONG time ago.  After today I have no time and no room in my life for the negativity and the dumb shit.  There will be no fights, no Twitter beefs, no pics or messages shared - these three people know who they are and what they did.  As you were...

RaNdOm ramblings...

~ I just finished a Scrabble game w/ my sis and two brother-in-laws. I lost, last place. Amatuers. None of them are college educated...goes to show you that: "Going to a college doesn't make you smart any more than going to a bank makes you rich." (c) Anonymous

~ My 13 year old niece is now obsessed w/ Michael Jackson (MJ). Her desktop background is of MJ, the wallpaper on her blackberry is MJ, my sis said she had been watching MJ videos on-demand, non-stop, back-to-back...I mean, it's deeper than MJ. The first thing she said when she saw me today was, "What was Michael Jackson like when you were 'little'?" I told her about my Thriller coat, watching MTV non-stop for the Thriller video and the Thriller cassette tape I begged my mom for. I asked her why she was feeling like this? What was the connection? She says: "Well what was it about MJ that you loved, TiTi?" Good point. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They have insight and forethought. I was not prepared for that coming from her. Next thing I know, I hear "PYT" blasting from the living room and she along w/ her 7 year old sister are singing along and dancing around...just wow. MJ crossed from my mom's generation through the Jackson 5 every Saturday AM while cleaning our rooms and doing chores, to Thriller tapes and zipper jackets, to my now 13 year old niece watching MJ videos on-demand. The more things change, the more they stay the same. MJ is a legend. His legacy doesn't end w/ us. Now that's dope.

~ I'm seriously considering getting my hair chopped tomorrow, AGAIN. I have an appt. @ my little sis' salon before we leave for vacation. Only 3 ppl in this world I trust to cut my hair...she is one of them. It has been in the phunky phase for what seems like forever now - not long enough for a true ponytail and not short enough to say it's 'short'. So I'm gonna change all that. Something that is easy to maintain, something that fits me, something different. I never got so many compliments on my hairstyle like I did when I first cut it short a year or so ago. I have had long hair my entire life, no bangs, one length, just LONG hair. It's not growing fast enough for me and I'm feeling like I need and want a big change. I will keep y'all updated on this one...

~ My baby bro (he's 10 years younger than me) is having his 1st child. I have mixed feelings about the situation, I'm excited, I'm anxious...his girl (I call her "Foxanne") text me yesterday and said they find out the sex of the baby on July 10th. I am soooooo hype. My bro told me on mother's day he loves the name "Oliva" for a girl...he said he remembers it from all of us watching "The Color Purple" and he loves the way is sounds. Of course we're all in agreement, except for Foxanne. There will be more on this situation, I'm sure, as the pregnancy progresses.

~ I'm watching "Intervention" on A&E in HD on-demand on my sis' huge, big-screen plasma TV. I don't even want to think about what something like this co$t - I dont' even have true furniture in my apt! - but hey, if you got it, do you. This episode is about twin girls w/ anorexia. I know this is a real issue and a real problem for some people, I'm not trying to make light of the disease...but how the HELL do you starve yourself when there is food in front of you and available to you? How the HELL do you exercise and play Wii fit dancing games burning calories you're not taking in? How the HELL do you see your ribs and say out loud, "I am fat."?! There are areas of the world and right here in our own backyards where people are starving every day and not by fucking choice! This is madness.

~ The Philly hip hop scene is so dope, so deep, overlooked and underrated. Networking & giggin' has opened my eyes and ears to a lot of people, sounds and scenarios...my senses are stunned. Writtenhouse - I co-sign.

~ New BlastForMe TV intro blog coming soon...I will be posting photos from the studio interview w/ Writtenhouse. *Follow* my homies on Twitter behind this project: @BlastOffBe (the host) and @aamin1, the genius behind A2 (A Squared) Productions. In the meantime, you can check out @zeekbutla interview...and *follow him* on Twitter as well.

~ I'm out of town right now, on my niece's laptop I gifted her for her birthday last year. It's a pink Dell, nothing fancy or crazy expensive, but this mofo is broken already - kids don't have jobs yet don't take care of shit! Ungrateful and disrespecting the dolla...mine gets stolen out of my suite in Jamaica...I work and I can't afford to replace my Mac yet...and she asks for an iPod Nano for her birthday this year. Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking the same thing. This little heffa is sassy...she might get it this weekend. Real talk. We'll see what she'll be receiving @ her birthday cookout/pool party next weekend. It won't be an iPod Nano, that's for GD certain. FOH

~ Aiight, I've been real seriously sarcastic & super sassy myself this week, PMS'in and stressin' about shit I have no control over...I needed this weekend away from the City, some family time, reflection...hope I'm over this hump when I get back to Philly on Sunday. So much to do, so little time.

!Ciao

Tales from the Twit...

So today was my 1st day @ my new job. I went to bed early, woke early, ironed my clothes, did my hair, got ready...I was well-rested and ready to go. Excited about being back to work after this BS lay-off. I planned on driving my truck the 10 blocks from my apartment to the El. From there I planned on parking and catching the train to work...no CC parking, road rage BS, traffic...back to public...quiet yet intriguing...

Of course nothing goes as planned. Nada...not in mi vida loca. Long story short, I rear-ended this chick 2 BLOCKS from the El. 2 ef'n blocks from my destination. She was making a left-hand turn @ a green light then braked all of a sudden, I braked, rear-ended her, now my POS truck really IS a POS, or more of a POS...having to call cops, and as we all know Philly cops take their sweet time...I was so ef'n pissed and all I could think of is I'm. Going. To. Be. Late. My. First. Day.

The police got their rather quickly and I ended up being only 40 mins. late for work. My new boss was very cool, very understanding (of course I called like a responsible late person and notifed her as soon as!), I have no complaints about the gig so far - especially the environment. Very cool and laid back...and guess what? I'm on the green floor. My fave color. I'll be training all this week so no clue yet what my co-workers or anything else is gonna be like yet. Plus she let us out early yet paid us for the whole day. The chick who started w/ me is Gina from South Philly. I have a feeling I'll be writing more about her in blogs to come...

Anyways, I was just rather bummed and after twitting the drama, going through training, thinking about time-consuming insurance calls, stressing about raised premiums, questioning my karma, not-so-looking-forward to a camping trip this weekend w/ fam that we've been planning since last year...I went outside and sat outside City Hall. I refreshed my Twitter screen on my phone and read back through @ replies people had left me all day...and just random comments I saw some of my buddies posting.

Wayno119@titi_215 Itll be ight that shit can be replaced

CHANLOO@titi_215 keep ur head up mama

Manetane@titi_215 you aight?

brothafrmanotha@titi_215 aw damn, for real? hope you're OK.

therealhop@titi_215 are you ok?

livefromphilly@titi_215 Well, that's wack but I hope the actual work part if your first day is great :)

And I thought to myself - some/most of these people I have never even met! Not face-to-face, hung out w/ one-on-one...but we all connected somehow through someone on-line somewhere. And that's gangsta.

RT @uncleo "Remember when u think u have it bad & the world seems 2 b crashing down on u, someone else would love 2 have ur problems."

And when I saw that, I HAD to RT. How true. Here I am bummed about a POS truck and I have a job! This recession is insane and these few months off of work have been HELL for me. I cannot imagine what it is doing to the people who have families to support! Obama is doing his thing though, I have faith...it will get better. It damn sure can't get any worse. For all of us.

Then I saw this:

RT @215tayyib @MrSonnyJames @Tahero @EssoDubble @titi_215 @Niki_Noche @whu @questlove- http://bit.ly/GA5D3






The same @215tayyib I have been trying to run into only since the @TanyaMorgan listening party (which he wasn't there, but he better be at their show @ Johnny & Brenda's on July 13th, per @mfmusic, whom I saw at The Roots Picnic!!) This among many other things made me smile today when I needed it most. I am remembering all the good times I had seeing The Roots, remembering why I chose and why I love this City in the 1st place... "Obstacles can be a form of liberation...Difficulties are required for success." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Oh yeah ~ and "Wayne's World" is coming soon...y'all not ready for me & @wayno119's collabo...his tat game is vicious and we're documenting it all. Start to finish. Words and flics...I'll announce via Twitter when Part I is ready. xoxo @wayno119 for letting me be a part of this...Goonies for life.

RaNdOm ramblings...

~ TODAY is The Roots Picnic - it's going on NOW as I type this...I should be THERE. N.O.W. Alas, I'm w/ homies I happen to love so I'm on BPT...*smh*

~ I have had #17 "Beautiful" on Eminem's new album and "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell on constant rotation, back-to-back...they're kinda both very applicable at this point in my life.

~ I haven't partied THIS much since college like I did this past week, and it's been a BLAST. Networking is necessary and fun while doing so...but also a lot of work. So tired.

~ I FINALLY got to meet the coolest bass player ever last night, been seeing him around forever and now I know his name. *cue Alicia Keys song "You Don't Know My Name" here please* He's adorable and talented. Shout-out Mike. Look forward to next jam session...

~ R.I.P. Dilla...went to the J Dilla Mixtape release party on Tuesday w/ @mikeymcfly and met up w/ a few others while there....@Zarinah @djaura360 @livefromphilly @brothafrmanotha -- it was a Twitter reunion of sorts up in there @ Johnny & Brenda's. And the sweet tea from McD's afterwards was right on time! Thanks, www.mikeymcfly.com

RaNdOm ramblings...

~ It's really OVER for my Celtics. It's a wrap. They're done. *tears* LET'S GO CLEVELAND! I do NOT want Kobe or LA winning another ring, although I admire Phil Jackson *bows to my sensei*

~ I want to learn Italian fluently and am wondering about Rosetta Stone...wondering WTF w/ Level I costing $259.00 and Level II costs $279.00...and it goes on. The complete set of I, II and III is $549.00 That's more than "The Godfather" triology! So do I just hire a tutor I find online somewhere?!

~ My unemployment is about to expire and I have yet to find a job. If I want to keep my apartment (my 'lifestyle' has already suffered, that I can do w/out) and stay in the City, something's gotta give. And it's not like I'm sitting on my ass collecting a check...I am busting my ass submitting resumes, interviewing, sweatin' my ass wearing long sleeves to cover my tat so I can get a damn job! I am educated and experienced, so WTF is the problem? I even went to a Univ of Penn sponsored Resume workshop and spent 3 hours over there w/ some grad students. The dude who helped me helped me immensely, my resume looks great, I'm a good interview...where is this karma coming from?!

~ Speaking of not having a job, thus no "extra $" - my social life, my wardrobe and my ink has gone down...but my courage, my determination and my spirit has stayed up. Sidebar: But haven't I suffered enough? Seriously? A chick can cut back on wants, but needs are essential. Please give me the strength to have patience and guidance to seek a solution.

~ I'm really not feelin' Facebook like I did MySpace...and I deleted my MySpace page months ago.

~ I could go for a Coke/Pepsi slurpee right now! But no way am I trekking to 7-11 as this time of night for a GD slurpee. And these are the ONLY flavors I will drink. All that fruity and weird shit is not even called for. Remember way back when we only had coke or cherry? Even back then I wouldn't drink cherry! LOL.

~ Anyone else newly single feel like damn, I don't miss sex...but I damn sure miss intimacy. I'm just askin'...

Horoscope today...

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)

Pretending someone is what they are not is a dangerous game. You can't be idealistic about what someone is really about. Take off your blinders today and see that person for who they truly are. What other people have been saying hasn't been to your liking, but it may be true. Look at the entire person, see all of their imperfections, and who knows? You might even like them more than you did before! Seeing all sides of people may be a rude awakening from a dream state, but you have to wake up some time.

Isn't that the fucking truth?! So relieved I am done w/ the bullshit and the blinders are OFF. Blogs coming soon ;)

Ninja, please!

Anonymous said...

OK...I am so so so tired of him and all this poor me BS. Ninja, please - you are a millionaire! You are brilliant and respected. You are a great artist and music producer. If I believe MTO, you're a bad boyfriend and how you did Alexis was BS. Anyways, you're now walking around with an afro MULLET looking like a Spike Jones crackhead reject, acting like some weirdo whiner "LET ME BE GREAT!" Let yourself be great! Stop doing shit for attention and then when you get the wrong kind you want to cry to the media and create your own media with this lame attempt at what you claim you do not want - MORE ATTENTION! Sidebar: why do you care so much about what the public, we, us bloggers, the media - WHY do you care what we think and post anyways? I have NEVER heard Jay-Z respond to not ONE comment that has been posted about him on blogs or gossip sites (i.e. MTO - whom are constantly calling him CAMEL and they stay on Bey's clit), I don't hear of T.I. giving a flying fuck when they make fun of how ugly Tiny is and they put all his baby momma drama on Front. Street! I mean, really. We don't know SHIT about you! That's why we have to assume shit, run with it, laugh when you do ridiculous nut ass shit! I have read all of Superhead's books and I try to keep up with her twits and blogs...but I mean really. Who has that much time in a day to keep up w/ HER sex life?! My point being: I have never heard no crazy shit about you. I have not read in anyone's magazine, newspaper, blog, etc. that Kayne West has a little dick. That Kayne West doesn't tip. That Kayne West sleeps in an oxygen tank. You're just really out there right now, and to be honest I am worried about you. This crew you put together, the homo hunks? WTF is up with that? All the tight, pastel, tranny lookin BS y'all be doing? I've seen the photos. I am just baffled. Completely baffled. Please clear this up for the public and spare us the poor me routine and the "LET ME BE GREAT" hysterics. Cie la vie...

He went from this...



to this...



then this...



and this...



NOW THIS ?!?!?!

nostalgia...

Magnetic doors and dry erase boards
pay phone ringing, Kizzy from Philly singing
music blaring, the fellas are staring.

Manicured nails, beside the bed throw up pails...
our floor was so live, Sullivan Hall...
all-girls #5.

T.J.'s Acura to Taco Bell,
8 am class no way in hell!

Dr. Carter was the best,
taking tests w/ no rest.

Wild party boys from M-I-A,
Detroit boys went all the way.

Pretty prissy chicks from DC,
Juanita from SE and that crazy Kiki.

Ms. Sharon ran the hall and didn't play no games
all the slang had me confused, I couldn't remember names.

The Alphas called out "Oh-Six!"
the Omegas barked like crazyyyy!
The Deltas did their thing,
the AKA's holla "skeeee weeee!".

Their were others too, those we can't forget...
I remember Freddy the Kappa
dusk-til-dawns were a hit.

We met rappers and writers
comics and fighters.
The step shows were crazy...Sunday brunch was so lazy.

Walking to Go-Mart for late night snacks,
preparing for pantie raids and regular sneak attacks.

Alcohol poisoning and dancing on bars,
listening to 2Pac, chillin' in parked cars.

Rome was so deep, he put me onto the Chi
Kentu was so funny,
the Philly fly guy.

Destiny was my "bestie",
I never laughed so hard...
can't forget Communications 101, the sophisticated Dr. Tee.

Anwar had his own spot, so off-campus we'd chill
Todd's was a hang out too, reminded me of the days in the 'Ville.

That's where I met The Roots for the first time,
the day I fell in love with hip-hop,
Black Thought was so prolific...
my college days reinforced what I felt all along.

Marc from Upstate NY always kept it real,
Briscoe died on break, R.I.P...
everyone came together,
we were like one big family.

I met a lot of cool people, made some lifelong friends...
but the good times go on, learning never ends!

13 September 2006
nostalgia...

I'm just askin'...

I've been getting nasty grams complaining I am not keeping up w/ my blogs. I have a few spare moments before I start my sit-ups, so I thought I would get on here and share some "thoughts" w/ everyone. Put this out there and see what everyone thinks...I mean, I'm just askin'...

I think I get some of my best "inspiration" when I am in the shower. B/c 5 mins. ago that's where I was when these thoughts crossed my mind.

Let me preface this blog by defining a few things first. (My "disclaimer", if you will.) I registered for Yahoo in January 2000. Since then, I have always been known as "illnana6801", that's what people know me by, that's who I've always been. 'illnana' is the nickname of rapper Foxy Brown, for those of you who aren't in the know - '...nana so ill, ni**as freak out...' Back in the day that was my bitch, and I dug the name, so I identified w/ it. '6801' is in reference to that old, great saying - "69? How about 68 and I owe you one?" So that's where and why my name came about. I was sitting in my best friend Destiny's apartment off-campus and we both registered for Yahoo that day. Everyone at school was talking about it, so we wanted to see what it was about. Thus my Yahoo identity was created and has been in & out of cyber world since 2000...

This blog is in NO way meant to insult, start no drama, on intimidate ANYONE. These are my thoughts and opinions and I'm just askin'...(end of disclaimer).

WHY, people, are there WOMEN on here w/ names like "Phat Azz" whoever, "Apple Bottom" whoever, "Sexy..." such & such...then they have the audacity to post pics of themselves that do NOT identify w/ the names they chose?! They be posting flat-assed, no assed, saggy assed, stretch marks, cellulite, C-section scars, bruises, cheap ass panty shots! I know you all know what I am talking about! Then they have the nerve to have their pages wallpapered with their kid's baby photos, or pics of their baby dad and the kids in their profiles! WTF??? It's one thing if you crave attention and want your ass plastered all over the internet, but why drag your kids into it??? And your baby dad going for that? The mother of his kid(s) sitting up on here ass out, nipples hard, legs spread...that is not cute or sexy! But the best ones are the ones where the chicks have on full make-up and hair did on a pic dated 2 am, and no one looks like that at 2 am! Paris Hilton leaves the club at 2 and doesn't look like that! No one does. Why can't everyone just be themselves? I'm just askin'...

And it's not just the women, people. It's these dudes too. My, my...if y'all could have seen the friend invite I got yesterday! I wish I hadn't deleted it b/c I would definitely call his name out and post a link to his page so all my girls could go take a look - a PEEK. This guy. OMFG...I can't even remember the name but it was something sex related. So I do what I always do when I get a friend invite...I click on his name to check out his page before I accept anything. I am not that desperate for "friends", LOL. People, WHY was his page wallpapered w/ BIG, huge, hairy balls, veins everywhere, nasty, swinging black dick all over the place! I was like WTF? I was at work so I minimized that screen quick as hell, but I pulled it back up and promptly DENIED his request! Then my curiosity got the best of me b/c I started looking through his blog lists and it was the same thing, different day, every time! It was all about sex, sex, and his big black dick. And he had pics to back it all up. This one blog was about how he was fuckin' this chick in the ass, and don't you know there was a pic up there of some light-skinned chick bent over w/ her whole asshole banged out! (Sidebar: your ass is NOT made for this, ladies! Especially w/ the dick I was looking at!) And these were not some cut & paste pics from the internet like I do sometimes w/ my blogs. These were digital or web cam pics that he did not and could not have faked. He was in them! I was thinking to myself as I closed his page - WHAT could I possibly have in common w/ this man? What could we chat about? WHY the hell would he send me a friend invite? I'm just askin'...

I'm not trying to knock no one for what they do. We are adults, this is the internet, it's entertainment. This has been a great way for people to network, promote, prostitute, whatever. DO YOU. But when you involve your kids that's a bit sick. And you might want to reconsider your screen name if you plan on posting pics that do not go w/ the name. And I'm grateful to the internet, MySpace, Yahoo or whoever for the opportunity to make acquaintance w/ some very cool and very smart people. I have had some great laughs and learned a lot from the people I have encountered on here. But never once in almost 8 years have I felt the need to post pics to show & tell how ill the nana is, never have I had to show or play w/my pussy on cam to make friends, never would I post naked or compromising pics of myself and then post my nieces' or baby's pics on the same page! We are adults, we make adult decisions. Kids should not be involved in any of that.

If you are offended by what I have said, you are probably one of the people I am referring to. If you are nodding your head in agreement, you are probably thinking to yourself nana did it again! I know you have met or come across these people I am talking about and have asked yourself the same things - WHY? I'm just askin'...

20 ?'s...work wit me

Way past my bedtime, and some random questions crossed my mind. Reminded me of the 20 ?'s section in VIBE magazine. Yes, everyone...I am a magazine junkie. An admitted and unashamed one. I read all kinds of magazines...hip-hop, cooking, gossip, tattoo, etc etc. I could go on for days how many magazines I read and why. I was even reading a friend's Playboy once a month...lost contact w/ him, alas, no more Playboy (there are some really GOOD articles in there, don't knock it til you try it...LMAO). The addiction started b/c of impatience. People in the City...you can definitely relate and you'll know what I mean. Do you realize HOW MUCH TIME we spend WAITING??? Waiting...for food, trains, nails to dry, hair to set, doctor/dentist to get you in (always an HOUR after your scheduled appointment time! We should start charging their asses' late fees!), etc. etc. So my impatience - lack of patience - however you want to call - led to my mom putting me on to the best thing to engage my mind and occupy my attention while waiting...magazines.

Anyways, for those of you hip-hop peeps you know of VIBE magazine. I have a subscription and I read it cover to cover. A strange thing about me is I read a magazine - ALL magazines - from back to front. I know I know...people tell me all the time I am strange and crazy. But it's my thing. I just do it that way. And in the back of VIBE - after all the escort ads, booty shaking DVD's, rim shop spots, Viagra sponsor ads and fake gold teeth kits - is the 20 ?'s section. Every issue, same place, different ?'s. Things that make you go hmmm...

I have a little version of the 20 ?'s I've been thinking about myself:

1. How excited are we to see Bernard Hopkins get his ass kicked again?

2. Why is marijuana illegal when shit like Xanax and Methadone are prescribed and heavily abused the most (proof: pot heads know more than law makers and doctors)?

3. Why do porn stars look like they're having so such fun...when we all know it's fake and veryyyyy exaggerated?

4. And really - how can 3 dicks be more fun than one, when 3 is more work and saliva runs low with one (plus: the pain factor. Triple ouch...)?

5. Why does Verizon DSL really suck ass but you really have no choice because Comcast is really fucking expensive? Really.

6. Why do black chicks still wear green contacts (sidebar: I thought that was over when Lil' Kim stopped doing it...)

7. Why are 'open-minded' people secretly considered 'freaky'?

8. Why do women take break-ups harder than men?

9. Why is it impolite to call an ugly baby ugly?

10. Why can't we cure AIDS (but Bono, Alicia Keys, Oprah, everyone and their mom raises $millions$ for AIDS research and prevention) but we can put people on the moon? WTF.

11. If 30's the new 20...why are people still lying about their age? Come on.

12. Why is "How Many Times" the BEST Bob Marley song ever...and the only ones people know are "No Woman, No Cry" and "I Shot the Sheriff"? Rasta.

13. Why do I love Prince and Ne-Yo yet they are sooooo metrosexual (sidebar: sooooo not a turn-on, fellas.)?

14. Why is E the best drug ever and only gay people you don't know have the best access to it?

15. Why do people - men & women - with fugly feet wear fucking sandals and show their fugly fucking toes in fucking public? I witness this daily. Fucking stop already! You know who you are.

16. Why do we even care what she's doing and where Paris Hilton is at 2 am?

17. Why are the places with the best food never open late (i.e. NOW)? Your only options are suspect Chinese take-outs and greasy foreign places with menus you cannot pronounce.

18. Why is bullshit flying nowadays because of bullshit terrorists and now we all pay for the bullshit?

19. Will we ever have a black president?

20. Why am I up so late when 5:45 am is gonna come real fast???

That's all folks.