Love & Music

Adele’s “21” album saved me from making some bad choices a few weekends ago. Especially #3 and #10.

It feels better to be missed than loved…makes my heart & my face big. Two people text me today, “I MISS YOU!”, and both times it felt good. Because I miss them too.

My little cousin, Laura, was one of those people. Her mom & my real dad are brother & sister. She is one of my aunt’s four girls. Even though she is 10 years younger than me, the woman she has grown into makes me love & respect her so much more than the others. She is my favorite.

Laura has two beautiful children by the “love of my life”. He is also the 2nd man she has EVER been with. His smooth-talkin’, charming, handsome, hustlin’ ass just got out of some boot camp, he’s in a halfway house now…and in a few months I fear he’ll be right back at my cousin’s place, bringing hell & havoc into her life. I know she loves and misses him, she wants to make it work for their kids (her daughter adores her daddy, her son barely knows him), she believes this time will be different and he won’t go back to his old ways in the streets. I know better.

Although he is ONLY the 2nd man she have ever been intimate with, he’s been with everybody. He had a son by another woman while he was in a “committed” relationship with my cousin. I know how that hustlin’ lifestyle, been there done that. The money, convenience, trips, clothes, cars and THAT MAN are NOT worth the headache, hassle, heartache, tears, time, energy….She has been through enough shit and she deserves better. Laura is hard-working (always kept a job even when her man was doin’ them, getting’ money), a loyal person, a great mom, an awesome cousin…I just wish she would move on.

I gave her my copy of Adele’s album. I am always giving music away when I am hoping it will inspire someone. When I was in WV in February, I gave my girl, Jimeia, my Badu CD, “Pt. 2 Return of the Ankh”. Her situation is more solid now than it was back then.

My situation is more solid today than it was a few weeks ago.

I’d like to credit Adele for that. If you don’t own the album, you MUST. If you haven’t heard it in it’s entirety, you MUST. Art imitates life in so many ways, every day. Music is art.

Support the people that make you feel good: family, friends, colleagues, associates. Adele. Musicians need love too. Buy the music you love and put other people on to it too.

Love & music.

(miss YOU, Ashley)

nohashtags

I damn sure ain't no angel, 

there's no devil in my soul,

blindly picking up all the pieces,

this picture will never again be whole.  

"A picture is worth a thousand words", 

it's written on my pixels and lens, 

a dope sick bittersweet love song,

real redemption requires amends.

Fuck a thousand words,

I'd be grateful for just one,

broken people don't fix shit,

feels like Hell has just begun.

thingsilove:



and then iremember:



random
iCant

“He who does not see the angels and devils

 in the beauty and malice of life 

will be far removed from knowledge, 

and his spirit will be empty of affection.” 

~ Kahlil Gibran 

 

Random Thoughts

* The tattoo(s) on my left arm is symbolic. Every part of it represents someone I love. While in the hospital recovering from my car accident, I had a lot of time to think & plan it. It wasn't a fun or freaky thing to do, it was a spiritual journey. I photo-blogged & wrote about the experience. I'm working on the theme for my right arm now. #sleevestory

* "Turning Tables" from Adele's "21" album is the deepest song I've heard in awhile. I felt that shit from her soul because I can definitely relate.

* Speaking of dope music, The Roots new album "undun" will be out 12/6/11. This is the 1st single, "Make My" ft. Big K.R.I.T. #iCant WAIT!

* Photography is my creative passion, NOT my career. Know the difference.

* Speaking of career, I am going back to school to get my Masters; I don't care how many jobs I gotta work or what I gotta sacrifice to make this happen. I need$ that.

* I really have a thing for guys with beards. Like, it's not a preference anymore, it's a pre·req·ui·site.

* Halloween is this coming weekend and I have nada for costume ideas. Mi Madre has a big party every year, she makes costumes by hand and lots of preparation goes into this. I need to plan better. Sidebar: "Halloween" (the original one) is my favorite horror movie, Michael Myers is scary, I love being scared. Gotta dig that out of a box and watch it before October is over. And I need to find someone who can handle being scared to go to Field Of Screams with me. That place is the best haunted attraction ever.

* Speaking of my Mom, now that I've finally told her I can finally tell everyone else: I'm moving back to the city in January. I gave it a year here, I tried. I can't do it anymore. I am not doing what I moved here to do, I am not happy, I'm OUT. A lot of deep family shit went down this past year, so it was good to be here, close, rest up, heal. Then there's my goddaughter, the baby & her shit. It's always someone else's shit. I need my OWN shit to be about. With that being said, I'm OUT. Gonna work these 2 gigs, save money, get through the holidays with my family, then New Year it's new me, doing me. I miss you, Philly, I can't wait to come HOME.

* I had a very dope opportunity to move very far away. Not only did I consider it, I pursued it. I discussed my options with my siblings and a few close friends. The plan was to not tell my Mom until after her birthday; I didn't want to hear all of her reasons why my move was a bad idea (and I didn't want to add to the stresses we were already going through as a family following my Uncle Steve's suicide). My brother brought it up at a family gathering at my sister's one afternoon very nonchalantly, my Mom overheard it and reacted just as I anticipated. After a lot of thought, I decided I could not and would not do that to my family at this time, I need to be here, to be close. Besides, I have a lot of shit I need to handle here in the States first. I miss you, Jamaica, I'll be back again next year. RASCLAT!

Tony

Hey Tony, my bad about phone.  I smoked and took some Nyquil, gonna lay down.  

I don't think it's a good idea to talk w/ you though being that you're married.  

Good luck tho getting what you're looking for? 

Not judging you, just sayin I don't think this is a good idea.  Later.

(c) Me via text
25 January 2011
12:30 am

For some reason I thought of THIS:



And THEN I remembered THAT...

...he was SO trashed! It was random running into him that night. LMAO, good times w/ my bro, Anwar. S-O Kelly LMAO

Mi vida loca...

R.J.

I walked through the employee entrance at work today for my 3-11 shift and saw 2 envelopes in my mailbox.  I was off yesterday, but when I was in Tuesday, there were 4.  Getting mail feels great.  Old-fashioned, write a letter,  address an envelope, put a stamp on it, mail.

My kids write me from placement, home, jail.  I send them cards, letters, quotes, journal prompts, words of encouragement,  get-in-your-ass lectures.  I used to think the letters from home were the best.  These kids were now free, not confined, back in the world...and they took to write me.  They tell me about their new days, about PO meetings, drug court, special schools, they ask advice, they tell me secrets...it makes the emotionally draining days worth every minute of it to connect w/ my kids.

One of the envelopes in my mailbox was from R.J. (for privacy reasons I cannot reveal my kids' identities, ethnic backgrounds, etc.)  When I started back in September, this resident was already there and had been there for some time.  He was waiting to find out if he was going to be tried as an adult and was in a very stressful time of his life.  This young man is no angel...these youth are not sent to me for singing too loud in church!  This resident was accused of a serious crime - pistol whipping an elderly couple, tying them up and robbing them along w/ two other youth.

When I was first encountered him, he was being defiant and refusing to do school work, chores, etc.  He wanted to be placed in Unit Restriction (UR), which is a disciplinary unit for violent offenders.  The only time they are allowed out of their rooms is for a 4-minute shower and bathroom breaks daily.  By not being violent and simply refusing all programs and treatment, he got what he wanted.  He was placed on UR for his remaining time at my facility.  One day I was assigned to that unit w/ another staff member.  I spent the majority of those 8 hours at R.J.'s door, sitting outside his room while he sat on his desk and told me about his family, his upbringing, his fears and his dreams.  I was off the following day, but instead of doing nothing he asked for a book.  And instead of refusing ALL his food, he drank his orange juice (because I told him that night when we talked that starving himself was ridiculous and "at least drink the orange juice" b/c he needed vitamin C since he hadn't seen the sun in so long, LMAO).

This resident is extremely bright.  Charming.  Very "grown" (he's been through a lot, seen a lot, done a lot...you wouldn't doubt this after one conversation w/ him).  And he's only 17.

So the day before my birthday, he was sentenced to 3-7 years.  He is now upstate at a very real, very big, very crowded, very adult prison.  No more juvie for him.  My heart broke a little bit.

But I also feel for the victims.  Just because my residents are children and troubled youth does not excuse them for their crimes.  I do feel that we need laws, justice, reparations, punishment, discipline...but we also need ALOT of treatment, forgiveness, patience.

I cannot get up and go to work every day believing that the youth are hopeless and all is lost.  These children are products of their environments, our environments.  They are starving for attention, for discipline, for direction, and some are just plain starving.  A lot of these situations I do blame the parents.  R.J. didn't have a single visit or phone call the entire time he was in my facility.  And his family lived two counties over.  Maybe 30-45 minute drive.

One of those envelopes in my mailbox today was a birthday card.  From R.J.  He remembered my birthday was the day after his court date...and he spent $3 that he probably didn't have to buy me a birthday card.  This kid has nothing and no one...and he thought of me.  The few lines he scribbled in that card made me feel in my heart I am right where I need to be.

For all the headaches, heartbreaks, disappointments and long double shifts, grimey co-workers and bosses who play favorites, some nights only getting one break when I really need four and we're supposed to get 2...the list could go on w/ all that's wrong in my life, about my gig and what I do.

 A quote I posted on my FB wall yesterday before any of this went down today couldn't apply more than it does right now:  ‎"Concern yourself not with what is right and what is wrong but with what is important." ~ Unknown

MOVE'n on....

I've made some references on Facebook and Twitter about moving and moving on. Everyone has been asking the same questions - so I thought I'd address it here. Those who care to know what is going on and why will now have their answers :)

I did not want to be specific and give too many details until I first had a chance to speak w/ Chantelle. As most know, we were looking at apartments and planning on becoming roommates at the end of this month. I received some great news this past Monday that changed those plans, so I wanted to be able to talk to her about it first before telling the world. And we have. She is already in another great situation for her. All is well. Love you, woman. You are doing great things, for a great cause and you're a great friend - can't wait for the Halloween sleepover.

I am both sad and excited about this move. Although I am only going to be a county or so over from Philly (little over an hour away), I'm not mistaken that it won't be the same. Of course I'll be coming back & forth to visit friends and take in shows, but this first 2.5 months is gonna be all work/focus and little play. Most who truly know me and know me well - have spent time in my space, I in theirs, people I've worked w/, broke bread w/, brainstormed w/ - know I have NEVER wanted to be a photographer full-time. Photography is a hobby for me. Something I've been into since Junior High, I just happen to be very good at it. And I happen to know/meet a lot of dope people who deserve to have their picture taken and shared w/ the world. S-O my homie since college days, Anwar, for pushing me and encouraging me. I love that he tells me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear. Everyone needs someone who doesn't judge you for who you aren't but accepts you for who you are. Flaws and all.

I spent all those years in college and many hours volunteering to work with troubled and adjudicated youth. THAT is my passion. That is what I am great at. That is what I want to do. I spent 7 years in Philly on a waiting list to do just that...but as w/ the 'scene' and the 'industry', sometimes it really is about who you know and not about talent or experience at all.  Now I can do a couple of counties over what I have been trying to do in Philadelphia for years!

So back in the beginning of July I applied for those same positions in nearby counties - and Monday I got the word. I start August 30th. I plan to attend Millersville University to obtain my Masters. My future is not in a studio or at a concert - look around you, the youth need us. S-O Chaka for providing the motivation, you inspire me in so many ways.

I don't expect people to understand or approve, yet I don't live my life for others. Never have. A friend told me last night "You're crazy!" and went on about all the rappers & 'cool people' I meet, how I'm doing all these 'cool' things here in Philly. Really, fam? Rappers and 'cool people' aren't paying my bills or providing me w/ personal and professional satisfaction.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful - I have had awesome opportunities some people will never have or see - and I have met some VERY 'cool people' in my travels and adventures...but it's not MY bottom line. I have never been the one to want to be OUT every night, in a club/bar/venue taking pics of people...no dis to those who do, but I plan on being someone's wife and mother one day (shit, I've already got to deal w/ my 16 yr old goddaughter giving birth in December, this move is partially about her as well, that's private, y'all will know what I want to offer). S-O Nay, you have been so supportive and your example is priceless - such a great Mom & wife. I only hope to be like you when I grow up.

The opportunity to shoot for and interview folks for 215 Mag is amazing. I dreamed of the day someone would approach me and say - hey, wanna work w/ us? Want an assignment? Help us out.  Now I'm doing just that and have to leave it all behind...I hope to be able to contribute and still do things with them and for them in the future. Just not right now, I need to pursue my own dreams and make things happen. Staying in Philly is not going to do that for me. S-O Kim - I love the way you think, write & how you move.

I will still be in PA, we still have Twitter, Facebook and remember phone calls?! Yes. So I may not be able to make every one of your shows or parties, I may not be able to just drop by the studio and shoot w/ you one day after work...so what?! Out of sight is not out of mind, at least as far as quality people and friendships are concerned. I am NOT moving far. I will visit. I will still support those closest to me even though I won't be close. I will be back. I just need time now for me to do what I need to do to secure my future - and there's no better time than the present.  S-O Ashley for leading the way.  Love you, chica. 

As always, keep up w/ me here on my personal blog and on my Flickr page.  I plan to write & share more as I move into this new phase.  Fukkery of a different kind, but fukkery all the same.  I love those of you who read and support what I do, and I know who you are. (S-O Mark, aka @carolinaware, love you bro!  Keep writing & so will I :)   *Namaste*

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.” (c) Dave Mustaine 

Me + The Couch Sessions = DOPE things

I am now the Philly correspondent for THE COUCH SESSIONS.  I will be writing and contributing content over there.  Check the site out, bookmark it, catch up and keep up ;)  I'm uber excited and grateful to be a part of such a well known and respected site. 

Happy Born Day Robert Nesta Marley

Today would be Bob Marley's 65th birthday.  It's also my niece, Carina Renee's 7th birthday. 

One year ago today I visited his birth/resting place in St. Ann's parrish, Nine Mile, Jamaica. It was an emotional as well as magical experience. I will never forget 02.06.09

I was posting photos on Twitter today sharing my Nine Mile experience w/ my peoples.  I also uploaded a few videos to YouTube of that visit. Good thing I had good herbs to calm my nerves.




Pt III is hilarious! While in the jeep on our way back to the resort, my hat blew off of my head into the busy road.  The driver BACKED UP on a Jamaican highway for Khalil to retrieve the hat.  Jamaicans have notoriously dangerous roads - the drivers are no better.


I apologize in advance I could not blur my ex out of the videos. I'm not sure how he'll fell about it, I'll assume it's OK unless I hear otherwise? These were good times, for me anyways. And to KHH:  “The stone that the builder refused, will always be the head cornerstone.” (c) BoB

Here are a few of the MANY pics I took out in Nine Mile, Jamaica that day.

"Don't throw stones and hide ya hands..."

(c) Jay Electronica.  So yeah.  I woke-up today and had an epiphany.  Kinda came to a conclusion.  These skeletons have to go...it's taking up too much energy & emotion that doesn't deserve my attention.  I need to clear these bones out and make room for good people, good energy and good times.

After many weeks (and in one case MONTHS) stressing out, trying to decide how to approach delicate, personal situations in a politically correct yet socially acceptable manner...I woke up today and 'unfriended' and 'unfollowed' these people.  The dead weight.  The new age way to let someone know - I ain't fuckin' with you no more.  #iCant.

To the 'friend' who ran shit I confided in you about to the person I was fuckin' w/ and cared about:  I hope that one night w/ him was worth losing my friendship.  He's awesome, ain't he?  Yeah, I know.  Been there, done that (before you!).  But I'm awesome too, bitch.  And even though y'all did it AFTER I was done w/ him...it's still grimey & you're a ratchet ass 'friend'.  I wanted to confront you for the longest - not fight you, not start no drama...I simply wanted to let you know that I knew.  And see the look on your face when I put it out there.  Yeah, he told me all about it.  B/c we're still cool.  Hell, I'm mad @ him too b/c that was some nut shit, but I'm done w/ him, he's not obligated to me.  YOU were.  We were FRIENDS.  And a man is gonna be a man.  I was not your little tag-along sometimey friend.  I was your GIRL.  No more.  We have nothing to talk about, to work out, I don't wanna hear your side.  I've seen you once since I found out months ago, you've reached out to me on FB and Twitter...noticed no response?  Yeah.  Kick rocks, bitch.  I have no room for you in my life.  And good luck w/ yours.  You will never have successful relationships w/ women b/c you are insecure and immature.  You won't be respected by men b/c you're running personal biz & then fuckin' behind your girls on top of all that...so continue to smile and play nice...what happens in the dark eventually comes to light.  Karma baby.

"How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours." ~ Wayne Dyer

 
To the 'former bew' who participated in the nut shit w/ the ratchet ass 'friend':  WE, me & you?  WE are not friends.  We are not associates.  We are done.  But we have mutual friends and acquaintances...let's keep it that way.  I never ran your shit, I never told others the things you confided in me about, I never kicked dirt on your name.  You simply don't exist to me anymore, and that's fine.  You no longer have anything to say to me or about me, let's keep it that way.  You are so fortunate I am not one of those impulsive, vengeful, nut ass broads who would put all your biz on Front St. and have you on blast to all the people who's thoughts & opinions you worry so much about.  What saddens me the most is not that you fucked her - and damn sure not that you're fuckin' someone else NOW - what saddens me the most is you are SO extremely talented yet so very insecure.  Don't worry about who I know, who knows me or how.  What you should have been grateful for is that I gave your ass some attention and invested time, energy & emotion into you...and all for what?  You disappointed me.  I thought we were so much better than that.

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." ~ 

Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Finally, YOU, last but not least and straight to the point:  You are a mofo LIAR.  We both know you lied and what you  lied about.  But it's all good.  Do you.  Keep snappin', keep talkin' shit...it's fucking ROTFLMFWAO that you would lie to someone who was a genuine, supportive friend to you.  I'm not some chick you had to lie to impress, we weren't fuckin' around!  That little lie led into a big lie and you couldn't keep living it.  Especially not when we were ending up in a lot of the same places, around the same people, doing the same things.  Yet I never exposed you.  I never called you out on your bullshit.  But I wrote you off too.  You don't deserve my friendship, my energy or the circle of people I put you on to.  They don't need me to tell them who you are and how you are, they're already finding out on their own.

"It is always good policy to tell the truth unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar" ~ Jerome K. Jerome

 

I am not a perfect person, nor do I claim to be.  I am comfortable w/ my flaws.  But my flaws do not involve other people.  My flaws don't include being a bad friend or a dishonest person.  My flaws don't hurt other people or cause conflict.  I don't have to lie about who I am, what I do or who I know to be 'down'.  I'll leave it to these ratchet ass mofo's above who are doing a damn good job w/ all of that.  You never hear of me in no he said/she said shit.  You never see me snappin' on people or putting business out there.  Because that's NOT who I am, not my twist.  And those three mofo's are about to find out the hard way I say what I mean and mean what I say.  

These things I am venting about on MY blog involve ME.  And it's anonymous.  If I was going to expose them, I would've done so a LONG time ago.  After today I have no time and no room in my life for the negativity and the dumb shit.  There will be no fights, no Twitter beefs, no pics or messages shared - these three people know who they are and what they did.  As you were...

#09Memories...in pictures, music & words

January:  New Year's I was w/ 'Boocifer'.  We met up w/ his friends in U City, had drinks & left out to hit 'our spot'.  We rolled out to Lemon Hill, but it was crowded and there were cars everywhere.  We wanted some privacy but needed to be able to see the fireworks happening at Penn's Landing.  And we were literally rollin'...if you know what I mean.  So we hit the Plat, "...a place called the Plateau, that's where everybody go..."  Well that's "Summertime"...this was New Year's Eve.  And it was freezing! We sat in the truck and listened to Jimi Hendrix bring crazy, ecstatic life to 'Experience Hendrix' over & over.  We had a great view of the fireworks, it was a great night.  Magic.  *That* inspired *this*... listen to Jimi.  (R.I.P.)



February:  06 February 2009.  Robert Nesta Marley was born February 6, 1945 in the village of Nine Mile in Saint Ann Parish, Jamaica.  The entire country of Jamaica celebrates Bob Marley Day every February 6th all over the island.  I had been to Jamaica before, but never to Nine Mile and never on Bob's birthday.  I made up my mind that my trip to Jamaica this year would be in February and it had to be with 'Boocifer'.  We arrived on the 5th and took a jeep safari to Nine Mile the following day.  We planned to spend the entire day @ the Marley compound (where Bob was born & buried) and hang out off-resort.  This was one of the most emotionally bonding experiences I've ever had in life.  It was a truly dope, truly deep and truly defining day for me.  I may re-post my Nine Mile blog for a more detailed description of the events & the encounters...it's sitting in 'edit' status being that some of what went down there is very personal and I'm not sure if I'm ready for all that out here on the innanets.  #imjussayin.  Know this:  Bob Lives.



March: Wow. This inspired "215's & Heartbreaks" (shout-out Regular Ass Ron, I promise Imma post it in the New Year...I'm almost ready, homie). I dumped 'Boocifer' after nine years of friendship, over three years of a relationship...it was the hardest and most disappointing thing I've ever had to do. So to call this a 'memory' would be an understatement. This 'memory' deserves it's own explanation, and it has one: 215's & Heartbreaks. I have had it sitting in here for months and every time I log in and glance at it, I read it, tweek it, read it again...I'm just not ready to share all that w/ the world yet. It's personal. It's private. Painful.  And I am not proud.  

I miss intimacy, but I love my space.
I love my anonymity, but I miss the familiarity...

I love the freedom I have experienced; 'single' opportunities that would not have been available had I been 'in a relationship' (lines *read* lines). But it's just not the same. I have to convince myself I'm better off, and that's not always easy, yet at the end of the day I know I made the best decision and I have no regrets.

"I gather up

each sound

you left behind

and stretch them

on our bed.

each nite

I breathe you

and become high."

poem #3 sonia sanchez 

My love jones.  That chapter of the book is finished now but w/ kind regard and great memories.  It was very real and very valid.  I have NO regrets.  

 

April:  Cali, New Mexico, Texas...I have such great people in my life.  Moni Beth is one of them.  Monika is from PA but moved out West over 10 years ago.  She is about 9 years older than me and a longtime family friend.  Monika was my gymnastics instructor when I was a young jawn.  She taught me and my sister, Hezz, how to walk the balance beam and do back flips.  She has modeled, worked for MTV, talked my ears off for hours countless times..she was really there for me through the break-up.  I hadn't seen her since she was in Philly when her Dad died a few years ago, so we made arrangements for me to fly out West; spend a week out there in the desert relaxing and getting my mind right.  Monika is no square, but she doesn't rasta either...if I was gonna be in Cali on 4/20, there was NO way I was NOT gonna get my rasta on while I was out there (she calls it my "Jamaican jumpoff", *smmfh*).  And jumpoff I did.  It was a beautiful, much needed, emotionally healing experience.  I have mad files of photos we snapped and a journal I kept while I was out there.  I'll post the photos for sure one day.  The journal may never reach another person's eyes ever.  That's probably what is best.  Sangria, Native American reservations, dead snakes, authentic Mexican spots, ladies only clubs, steam rollers & vaporizers...good times. 

THIS video dropped on 4/20, while I was out West.  I blogged about this group, this video...I cannot say enough about The Foreign Exchange.  If you don't know, #getfamiliar.  A dope dude from Philly by the name of Matt Koza directed this.  Some of my friends are in this video as well.  THIS album, Leave It All Behind, helped me through some rough shit.  They are now Grammy nominated.  Love you guys.  
 
I left the West Coast on 4/21, my little bro's birthday. I text Bud that morning while I was on my way to the airport to wish him a Happy Birthday.  He text me back to thank me and confirmed what I had known all along - Foxanne was pregnant and they were having a baby.  I was pissed I had to find out like that, especially when I had asked him not long before that if she was pregnant?!  Regardless, my little brother is now a daddy.  Life is moving so ef'n fast.   


May:  Tanya Morgan.  Wrote all about it HERE.  Good times.  #getfamiliar  


 


June:  06.06.09
The 2nd Annual Roots Picnic.  Epic.  It went down, I was there.  I went with three of my homies:  Anwar, Malik and Manetane.  WrittenHouse performed, PE, Santigold, The Black Keys...we were VERY close to the stage & Black Thought - *sigh* the lieutenant was definitely FRESH.  Finally had a face-to-face w/ the homie @Carolinaware *hugs* Mark.  Check his blog out HERE...he is so dope.  Ran into Al, Tanya Morgan's manager, and his peoples.  Pooh of Little Brother was in attendance.  Met Asher Roth (he was wearing a Celtics jersey, my squad!).  Kid Cudi flipped out on the crowd in one of the performance tents.  Amanda Diva was doin' her damn thing.  It was a great day for hip hop, art and good people.

The Roots' new album How I Got Over should be out in the new year.  It was set to drop in September '09, but it got pushed back.  You can keep up w/ all things Roots and read ?uestlove's blog over on #thatsite aka okayplayer.com  In the meantime, enjoy this: (props to www.onsmash.com, where I lifted the video from)


Also notable as a June #09Memory - the King, the Legend, the Idol, the Icon, the Superstar who was Michael Joseph Jackson died June 25, 2009.  

I sat at work and bawled my eyes out watching his funeral on CNN along w/ the rest of the world.  I will never forget listening to Motown and The Jackson 5 as a young jawn - my Mom used to blast MJ & his brothers every weekend when I was growing up.  I'll never forget watching the Thriller video for the 1st time w/ my sisters and my Uncle Steve being amazed and afraid all at the same time.  And then begging my Mom for the Thriller coat in the video, which I received and am still looking for the pictures of (my parents moved a few years ago and every time I bring it up my Mom breathes all hard at the thought of going into the attic or into storage to look for old photos).  I remember the 1st cassette I ever received was MJ's Thriller; playing it repeatedly & pausing it to write the lyrics down.  He sang and we all listened, loved even those that hurt him, danced and we all imitated and made his own private Heaven while he was here in Earth.  He was an inspiration to many and will be missed by all. 

The text portrait above was created by RALPH UELTZHOEFFER.  To read what the content of the portrait says, click HERE.  It's very interesting.  He's created these portraits for quite a few celebrities, most still living. 

Spike Lee directed this video, props once again to www.onsmash.com  This video is ill.
 

July:  24 July 2009.  EASILY one of the best nights of my life!  

remember THIS post?!  i. sat. front. row. center. at. a. roots. show. pt. I

and THIS follow-up?!   i.sat.front.row.center.at.a.roots.show pt II

THANK YOU Denaya and Shamara.  I will NEVER forget that night.  I have seen The Roots live 13 times and attended both picnics.  Everyone who knows me knows I am the biggest Roots 'Stan' EVER...this was the best show thus far.  Aside from the rowdy white boys who kept bumpin' me and spilling beer all over the place...I had thee best view and thee best seat ever.  Aside from being on stage?  But check out my prior posts for details, I've included the flics again.

#CMONSON - just LOOK at this man.  *sigh* 

R.I.P  Titus "Baatin" Glover (March 8, 1974–July 31, 2009)  There is a great write-up along w/ videos, photos and links HERE.  If you don't know who Baatin is, you need to step-up your music game.  Seriously.

August:  08.15.09  SUMMER ADRENALINE ISSUE LAUNCH PARTY

two.one.five™ Magazine

Check out the details HERE.  I did a write-up of the day on a previous post.  Here's some footage I got after the show of Kush clowning around.  Good times.


*Shout-out Princess Z...it's always a good time when you're around, Zarinah.  xo  All my hip hop heads check out her radio show every Sunday and her music HERE.  She's dope.

R.I.P.  Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein (March 30, 1973 – August 28, 2009)  There was a memorial fund established after his death on his website to help those struggling w/ addiction.  It was a passion and a cause that DJ AM dealt w/ personally and he was in the process of helping others at the time of his death.  You can learn more about that HERE. 

September:  09.12.09  WrittenHouse & MURS @ North Star w/ Ashley.  I heart this chick:  for her taste in music - she burned me ALL of the Wale mixtapes, her maturity, her BLOG, her advice and her good sense.  Good times.

I have blogged about WrittenHouse before, I know those of you who follow me on Twitter see me tweeting about them and to them...I cannot convey enough through words or photos how DOPE these dudes are.  Truly talented brothas doing something different.  If you have the opportunity to check out one of their shows live, DO SO.  Follow them on Twitter, become a fan on their Facebook page, download their mixtape Sunshine Philadelphia Vol 2: The WrittenHouse Effect HERE, #getfamiliar.

The hype man, Sleeves, was absent and missed during the show, but Dame did his best to fill-in.  Here's a dope interview/vid the homies did w/ this chick Krissy Carlson (formerly known as Cosmik Krissy) out of Providence, R.I.  This was filmed outside of The North Star Bar in North Philly.

*Shout-out DJ Ambush, who calls me 'Double T'.  He DJ'ed their set that night @ North Star.  I got a lot of love for that dude right there.  He's involved in a lot of hip hop projects around the City other than DJ'ing.  Check out his Living Proof Radio show w/ the dude MARS every Thursday from 10pm-12am HERE and *FOLLOW* him on Twitter.  xo Beezy. 

October:  10.23.09  New York City w/ Ashley.


We had a helluva ordeal getting from Philly to NYC....and getting home.  The rain.  The hotel in Yonkas (EF YOU, Chaundon!).  The cabs and the trains.  I forgot my belt (ANY belt!) back in Philly and had to wear a dress that requires a belt w/out one!  It was NOT funny @ the time, but it's funny now looking back.  While we were there, we had a BALL.  We watched the entire show front row, I snapped some flics and after the set we hung out w/ the crew.

It was great seeing Aimee, Phonte and Nicolay again.  Muhsinah was not at the performance, but everyone else was:  Zo!, Yahzarah, Carlitta, Darien Brockington, Dho, the band...even Joe Scudda, Pooh & Chaundon came out and did some LB stuff from the archives.  I got a few of the performances on tape uploaded to my YouTube page, you can check that out HERE. 

I've blogged before about their Grammy nod; I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they win and get the recognition they deserve.  SUPPORT great music and talented musicians.  The members of The Foreign Exchange have an extended family w/ solo projects and other releases.  Check my blog for those as well. 


November:  28 November 2009.  10:14pm.  My brother's son, Jackson Thomas, was born.  Clearly the BEST day of 2009.  He's healthy, he's adorable, he's perfect.  I am in LOVE.  And I call him "Jax".

December:  16 December 2009.  Heineken Green Room Party. 

I met Tariq Trotter, aka Black Thought, of the l.e.g.e.n.d.a.r.y. ROOTS Crew !!! 

Do you want more?!!!??!  If so, check out the flics and the blog HERE.  Of course, it was written.

Shout-out Vickie...the lieutenant IS fresh, indeed.  Thank you for sharing my joy w/ me, LOL.  She is a dope photog and you can check her stuff out HERE.    


I also need to shout-out my girl, @FreedomReeves.  She is one of the most beautiful people (inside AND out) I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and honor of getting to know.  We went to the party together, and she is my WITNESS I did not act a fool or show my ass.  I love that woman, check out her site.  Good times.

THIS is just my favorite Roots song EVER...

 

*EDITED b/c I SHOULD have included this prior to posting BUT...there are MANY people - both old & new friends I have had the pleasure of meeting, hanging out w/, learning from, buggin' out w/ - who encourage me to keep writing & keep sharing my thoughts and my experiences w/ y'all.  There are too many to name them all, but I'd like to name one more who is consistent and ever present on my back and in my head pushing me to post my blogs...xo Sherm.  You're the best, bew.  As long as you keep reading, I'll keep writing. 

my nephew is here!

My little bro's 1st born child, a son, made his debut today.  He was born @ 10:14 pm on 11/28.

His name is Jackson Thomas....and I am in love.



I took this pic w/ my Blackberry.  This was the 1st time his Mommy saw him.  So precious.  More pics & blog to follow soon, I am exhausted.  He was worth the wait!

;€ #imjussayin...

I'm packing to go to NYC tomorrow. Yeah, I'm going to NYC w/ Ashley after work tomorrow. We're going to see The Foreign Exchange @ BB King's. I'm on the guest list, I'm kinda excited about this. Plus we got a room, we're staying overnight. We're gonna spend the day in NYC Saturday, eat at some great restaurant, look around, people watch...maybe I'll take some photos? Who knows.

I have the "Leave It All Behind" album playing. I'm kinda nice. I had 2 mixed drinks @ dinner @ Nay's tonite. It's people like her and nights like this that remind me there is better out here to be had, nothing is hopeless...sometimes it takes living w/out something to really appreciate having it in the first place...something like that?  

Everytime I hear this song I think about ;€ (no one knows what/who ;€ is).  I can't say enough about this group.  The Foreign Exchange.  My blog is not a music/hip hop blog.  It's for me, about me, by me.  If that happens to be music @ that moment, then that's what we have here.  Music is such a big part of my life; it's hard not to relate it in everything I do and feel.

I'll have more to write about after the show tomorrow.  In the meantime, here are the lyrics and the video...get familiar.

I can’t sleep at night
Cause they won’t see me
Running from the daylight
To where she keeps me

And when the sun rises, she watches over me

Waiting for the daylight
Cause then she’ll keep me
In the safety of her arms
She never leaves me

And when the sun rises, she watches over me

He tells me all his secrets
He thinks nobody knows
We lay together in daylight
I love him so

And when the sun rises, he watches over me

It’s not like it was before
And she can’t keep me anymore
She loves me…

Why don’t you stay here with me
I pray that our morning won’t leave
Let me keep you, then you’ll see
Don’t hide the truth from yourself
It’s you that I’ll love and protect
Let me keep you here with me

*This is what I would tell you if I could talk to you right now. Pay attention.

I am owed nothing and I deserve everything.*

R.I.P. DJ AM

DJ AM, originally uploaded by TiTi_215.

Adam Michael Goldstein aka DJ AM 03.30.73 ~ 08.28.09

Philly born & raised DJ…

I’ll touch on this more later…I just can’t believe it. I am truly sad today. He survived a plane crash with Travis Barker only to die alone in his NYC apartment from a drug overdose - possibly suicide…he was only 36.

* His official website: http://www.djam.com/

* The Travis/DJ-AM site: http://trvsdjam.com/blog/ (you can download the Barker/AM mixtapes for free here in the “downloads” section)

* AP obit in NY Times

UPDATE: DJ AM was laid to rest Wednesday 09.02.09 in Los Angeles at the Hillside Memorial Park.

i. sat. front. row. center. at. a. roots. show. pt. I

The title says it all...part II coming soon!

l.e.g.e.d.a.r.y.

jst got home, sober & exhausted. big weekend ahead. i will never forget this night as long as i live.

*Hi-5*

The SugarHoneyIcedTea* ~ Tales from the Twit...

I think I once told someone via blog comment that we are all one small pixel of a much bigger picture. Each pixel equally important, yet different. Every pixel has a purpose. Every pixel has a voice.

This was proven more than true for me today when I noticed a surprise @reply via Twitter while @ work today.

carolinaware @shamara99 Voted. Lets go!! @titi_215

Apparently my Chica Twica, Denaya (who is a frequent visitor here, thank YOU), suggested this: dkb2715 @shamara99 Ur looking for blogs to profile, This is one of my fav's, http://www.chickintheclique... @titi_215

...which I didn't see until a few moments ago.

Twitter has opened doors and created possibilities for me that otherwise probably wouldn't have existed PT (PreTwit). It has opened my eyes and ears to opportunities I may have otherwise never knew about. It has helped me network and meet interesting, creative, funky, likeminded, crazysexycool people...now Shamara is one of them.


Shamara is a radio personality on Power 99, a big hip hop radio station here in Philly. Somehow a chick w/ only 674 followers on Twitter, who has a corporate gig during the day, writes when she feels like it about whatever she feels like writing about caught the attention of someone w/ a bigger voice, a bigger following and a dream job in communications. That chick was me today. And #thats dope. The chick in the clique.

Speaking of dope...check out @carolinaware's blog HERE (I've posted this before). And FOLLOW HIM on Twitter. We dig a lot of the same ish but he has wayyyyyy more sports on his than I do. Must be a man thing *smile* And please *COMMENT* on anything you read on his, mine, anyone's blogs. Even if you don't agree. Even if you have a difference of opinion. That is motivation and feedback to the writer how you're interpreting their blog and what you're walking away w/. You do not have to register for anything or sign-up - you can even do so anonymously.

I have heard and said, "A closed mouth does not get fed" probably a million and one times. We speak to be heard. We write to be read. We act to be noticed. So I'd like all my readers and followers to speak about, write about, act and be noticed:

Save Free Radio! Do you love your radio stations – the music, news and traffic? Do you love getting your music for FREE? It’s all in danger! Everything you love about your radio station could be a thing of the past! Unless you act NOW! There are bills before congress that threaten free music on the radio. The foreign owned record companies and misinformed artists want congress to establish a tax where stations would pay for the right to play music on the radio. This additional tax would change radio and put music radio stations in danger of going silent.

Your radio station needs your help! By signing this petition and sending an e-mail to congress you are telling congress NOT to pass this tax on radio stations. Click to sign the petition and save free radio! You also can make calls to your congressional leaders and email your friends.

I clicked, I signed, I wrote. All of the above. I know a lot of people say I don't listen to the radio much anymore, what does this have to do with me, why should I care?! And that's because we have a choice. We take for granted that it will always be there in our car or on our alarm clocks. Before the internet, iPod, on-demand, 2k9 (hello? BT!) and 100+ channels on TV, what did we use and rely on for news, entertainment, information, sports and MUSIC?! The radio. This is vital for a big portion of the community who does not have and cannot afford satellite radio. This will force us once again to give in to corporate greed and thus elminate our choice. I don't know about y'all, but to me CHOICE is equivalent to: The power, right, or liberty to choose; option. And that's American. Radio is someone's life and livelihood.

Oppose the Public Performance Tax on Free Radio

"Such a tax would force many free radio stations off the air, result in less diversity in programming for listeners, and harm local communities that partner with radio to promote local interests and rely on radio in times of need. We urge Congress to reject S. 379 and H.R. 848 respectively."

I learned of this issue visiting Shamara's Page. I went there intending to check out my competition and see how I was doing in the "poll". As of now (10:53 pm) I am losing - 35.71% to Heavy Rotation's 64.29%. And it's all good. I am humbled. I am grateful. I appreciate the exposure. THANK YOU, Shamara. 'Same "smile" u do...I do just different bodies :) ALL GOOD'

You never know who is reading, listening, looking, watching - you never know who is intrigued, impressed, mentioning or just stopping through. Your pixel might come into focus one day and be a part of that big picture. #thatsdope @Writtenhouse

*The SugarHoneyIcedTea stands for...you figure it out. Yeah, that's us...