"Don't throw stones and hide ya hands..."

(c) Jay Electronica.  So yeah.  I woke-up today and had an epiphany.  Kinda came to a conclusion.  These skeletons have to go...it's taking up too much energy & emotion that doesn't deserve my attention.  I need to clear these bones out and make room for good people, good energy and good times.

After many weeks (and in one case MONTHS) stressing out, trying to decide how to approach delicate, personal situations in a politically correct yet socially acceptable manner...I woke up today and 'unfriended' and 'unfollowed' these people.  The dead weight.  The new age way to let someone know - I ain't fuckin' with you no more.  #iCant.

To the 'friend' who ran shit I confided in you about to the person I was fuckin' w/ and cared about:  I hope that one night w/ him was worth losing my friendship.  He's awesome, ain't he?  Yeah, I know.  Been there, done that (before you!).  But I'm awesome too, bitch.  And even though y'all did it AFTER I was done w/ him...it's still grimey & you're a ratchet ass 'friend'.  I wanted to confront you for the longest - not fight you, not start no drama...I simply wanted to let you know that I knew.  And see the look on your face when I put it out there.  Yeah, he told me all about it.  B/c we're still cool.  Hell, I'm mad @ him too b/c that was some nut shit, but I'm done w/ him, he's not obligated to me.  YOU were.  We were FRIENDS.  And a man is gonna be a man.  I was not your little tag-along sometimey friend.  I was your GIRL.  No more.  We have nothing to talk about, to work out, I don't wanna hear your side.  I've seen you once since I found out months ago, you've reached out to me on FB and Twitter...noticed no response?  Yeah.  Kick rocks, bitch.  I have no room for you in my life.  And good luck w/ yours.  You will never have successful relationships w/ women b/c you are insecure and immature.  You won't be respected by men b/c you're running personal biz & then fuckin' behind your girls on top of all that...so continue to smile and play nice...what happens in the dark eventually comes to light.  Karma baby.

"How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours." ~ Wayne Dyer

 
To the 'former bew' who participated in the nut shit w/ the ratchet ass 'friend':  WE, me & you?  WE are not friends.  We are not associates.  We are done.  But we have mutual friends and acquaintances...let's keep it that way.  I never ran your shit, I never told others the things you confided in me about, I never kicked dirt on your name.  You simply don't exist to me anymore, and that's fine.  You no longer have anything to say to me or about me, let's keep it that way.  You are so fortunate I am not one of those impulsive, vengeful, nut ass broads who would put all your biz on Front St. and have you on blast to all the people who's thoughts & opinions you worry so much about.  What saddens me the most is not that you fucked her - and damn sure not that you're fuckin' someone else NOW - what saddens me the most is you are SO extremely talented yet so very insecure.  Don't worry about who I know, who knows me or how.  What you should have been grateful for is that I gave your ass some attention and invested time, energy & emotion into you...and all for what?  You disappointed me.  I thought we were so much better than that.

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." ~ 

Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Finally, YOU, last but not least and straight to the point:  You are a mofo LIAR.  We both know you lied and what you  lied about.  But it's all good.  Do you.  Keep snappin', keep talkin' shit...it's fucking ROTFLMFWAO that you would lie to someone who was a genuine, supportive friend to you.  I'm not some chick you had to lie to impress, we weren't fuckin' around!  That little lie led into a big lie and you couldn't keep living it.  Especially not when we were ending up in a lot of the same places, around the same people, doing the same things.  Yet I never exposed you.  I never called you out on your bullshit.  But I wrote you off too.  You don't deserve my friendship, my energy or the circle of people I put you on to.  They don't need me to tell them who you are and how you are, they're already finding out on their own.

"It is always good policy to tell the truth unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar" ~ Jerome K. Jerome

 

I am not a perfect person, nor do I claim to be.  I am comfortable w/ my flaws.  But my flaws do not involve other people.  My flaws don't include being a bad friend or a dishonest person.  My flaws don't hurt other people or cause conflict.  I don't have to lie about who I am, what I do or who I know to be 'down'.  I'll leave it to these ratchet ass mofo's above who are doing a damn good job w/ all of that.  You never hear of me in no he said/she said shit.  You never see me snappin' on people or putting business out there.  Because that's NOT who I am, not my twist.  And those three mofo's are about to find out the hard way I say what I mean and mean what I say.  

These things I am venting about on MY blog involve ME.  And it's anonymous.  If I was going to expose them, I would've done so a LONG time ago.  After today I have no time and no room in my life for the negativity and the dumb shit.  There will be no fights, no Twitter beefs, no pics or messages shared - these three people know who they are and what they did.  As you were...

#09Memories...in pictures, music & words

January:  New Year's I was w/ 'Boocifer'.  We met up w/ his friends in U City, had drinks & left out to hit 'our spot'.  We rolled out to Lemon Hill, but it was crowded and there were cars everywhere.  We wanted some privacy but needed to be able to see the fireworks happening at Penn's Landing.  And we were literally rollin'...if you know what I mean.  So we hit the Plat, "...a place called the Plateau, that's where everybody go..."  Well that's "Summertime"...this was New Year's Eve.  And it was freezing! We sat in the truck and listened to Jimi Hendrix bring crazy, ecstatic life to 'Experience Hendrix' over & over.  We had a great view of the fireworks, it was a great night.  Magic.  *That* inspired *this*... listen to Jimi.  (R.I.P.)



February:  06 February 2009.  Robert Nesta Marley was born February 6, 1945 in the village of Nine Mile in Saint Ann Parish, Jamaica.  The entire country of Jamaica celebrates Bob Marley Day every February 6th all over the island.  I had been to Jamaica before, but never to Nine Mile and never on Bob's birthday.  I made up my mind that my trip to Jamaica this year would be in February and it had to be with 'Boocifer'.  We arrived on the 5th and took a jeep safari to Nine Mile the following day.  We planned to spend the entire day @ the Marley compound (where Bob was born & buried) and hang out off-resort.  This was one of the most emotionally bonding experiences I've ever had in life.  It was a truly dope, truly deep and truly defining day for me.  I may re-post my Nine Mile blog for a more detailed description of the events & the encounters...it's sitting in 'edit' status being that some of what went down there is very personal and I'm not sure if I'm ready for all that out here on the innanets.  #imjussayin.  Know this:  Bob Lives.



March: Wow. This inspired "215's & Heartbreaks" (shout-out Regular Ass Ron, I promise Imma post it in the New Year...I'm almost ready, homie). I dumped 'Boocifer' after nine years of friendship, over three years of a relationship...it was the hardest and most disappointing thing I've ever had to do. So to call this a 'memory' would be an understatement. This 'memory' deserves it's own explanation, and it has one: 215's & Heartbreaks. I have had it sitting in here for months and every time I log in and glance at it, I read it, tweek it, read it again...I'm just not ready to share all that w/ the world yet. It's personal. It's private. Painful.  And I am not proud.  

I miss intimacy, but I love my space.
I love my anonymity, but I miss the familiarity...

I love the freedom I have experienced; 'single' opportunities that would not have been available had I been 'in a relationship' (lines *read* lines). But it's just not the same. I have to convince myself I'm better off, and that's not always easy, yet at the end of the day I know I made the best decision and I have no regrets.

"I gather up

each sound

you left behind

and stretch them

on our bed.

each nite

I breathe you

and become high."

poem #3 sonia sanchez 

My love jones.  That chapter of the book is finished now but w/ kind regard and great memories.  It was very real and very valid.  I have NO regrets.  

 

April:  Cali, New Mexico, Texas...I have such great people in my life.  Moni Beth is one of them.  Monika is from PA but moved out West over 10 years ago.  She is about 9 years older than me and a longtime family friend.  Monika was my gymnastics instructor when I was a young jawn.  She taught me and my sister, Hezz, how to walk the balance beam and do back flips.  She has modeled, worked for MTV, talked my ears off for hours countless times..she was really there for me through the break-up.  I hadn't seen her since she was in Philly when her Dad died a few years ago, so we made arrangements for me to fly out West; spend a week out there in the desert relaxing and getting my mind right.  Monika is no square, but she doesn't rasta either...if I was gonna be in Cali on 4/20, there was NO way I was NOT gonna get my rasta on while I was out there (she calls it my "Jamaican jumpoff", *smmfh*).  And jumpoff I did.  It was a beautiful, much needed, emotionally healing experience.  I have mad files of photos we snapped and a journal I kept while I was out there.  I'll post the photos for sure one day.  The journal may never reach another person's eyes ever.  That's probably what is best.  Sangria, Native American reservations, dead snakes, authentic Mexican spots, ladies only clubs, steam rollers & vaporizers...good times. 

THIS video dropped on 4/20, while I was out West.  I blogged about this group, this video...I cannot say enough about The Foreign Exchange.  If you don't know, #getfamiliar.  A dope dude from Philly by the name of Matt Koza directed this.  Some of my friends are in this video as well.  THIS album, Leave It All Behind, helped me through some rough shit.  They are now Grammy nominated.  Love you guys.  
 
I left the West Coast on 4/21, my little bro's birthday. I text Bud that morning while I was on my way to the airport to wish him a Happy Birthday.  He text me back to thank me and confirmed what I had known all along - Foxanne was pregnant and they were having a baby.  I was pissed I had to find out like that, especially when I had asked him not long before that if she was pregnant?!  Regardless, my little brother is now a daddy.  Life is moving so ef'n fast.   


May:  Tanya Morgan.  Wrote all about it HERE.  Good times.  #getfamiliar  


 


June:  06.06.09
The 2nd Annual Roots Picnic.  Epic.  It went down, I was there.  I went with three of my homies:  Anwar, Malik and Manetane.  WrittenHouse performed, PE, Santigold, The Black Keys...we were VERY close to the stage & Black Thought - *sigh* the lieutenant was definitely FRESH.  Finally had a face-to-face w/ the homie @Carolinaware *hugs* Mark.  Check his blog out HERE...he is so dope.  Ran into Al, Tanya Morgan's manager, and his peoples.  Pooh of Little Brother was in attendance.  Met Asher Roth (he was wearing a Celtics jersey, my squad!).  Kid Cudi flipped out on the crowd in one of the performance tents.  Amanda Diva was doin' her damn thing.  It was a great day for hip hop, art and good people.

The Roots' new album How I Got Over should be out in the new year.  It was set to drop in September '09, but it got pushed back.  You can keep up w/ all things Roots and read ?uestlove's blog over on #thatsite aka okayplayer.com  In the meantime, enjoy this: (props to www.onsmash.com, where I lifted the video from)


Also notable as a June #09Memory - the King, the Legend, the Idol, the Icon, the Superstar who was Michael Joseph Jackson died June 25, 2009.  

I sat at work and bawled my eyes out watching his funeral on CNN along w/ the rest of the world.  I will never forget listening to Motown and The Jackson 5 as a young jawn - my Mom used to blast MJ & his brothers every weekend when I was growing up.  I'll never forget watching the Thriller video for the 1st time w/ my sisters and my Uncle Steve being amazed and afraid all at the same time.  And then begging my Mom for the Thriller coat in the video, which I received and am still looking for the pictures of (my parents moved a few years ago and every time I bring it up my Mom breathes all hard at the thought of going into the attic or into storage to look for old photos).  I remember the 1st cassette I ever received was MJ's Thriller; playing it repeatedly & pausing it to write the lyrics down.  He sang and we all listened, loved even those that hurt him, danced and we all imitated and made his own private Heaven while he was here in Earth.  He was an inspiration to many and will be missed by all. 

The text portrait above was created by RALPH UELTZHOEFFER.  To read what the content of the portrait says, click HERE.  It's very interesting.  He's created these portraits for quite a few celebrities, most still living. 

Spike Lee directed this video, props once again to www.onsmash.com  This video is ill.
 

July:  24 July 2009.  EASILY one of the best nights of my life!  

remember THIS post?!  i. sat. front. row. center. at. a. roots. show. pt. I

and THIS follow-up?!   i.sat.front.row.center.at.a.roots.show pt II

THANK YOU Denaya and Shamara.  I will NEVER forget that night.  I have seen The Roots live 13 times and attended both picnics.  Everyone who knows me knows I am the biggest Roots 'Stan' EVER...this was the best show thus far.  Aside from the rowdy white boys who kept bumpin' me and spilling beer all over the place...I had thee best view and thee best seat ever.  Aside from being on stage?  But check out my prior posts for details, I've included the flics again.

#CMONSON - just LOOK at this man.  *sigh* 

R.I.P  Titus "Baatin" Glover (March 8, 1974–July 31, 2009)  There is a great write-up along w/ videos, photos and links HERE.  If you don't know who Baatin is, you need to step-up your music game.  Seriously.

August:  08.15.09  SUMMER ADRENALINE ISSUE LAUNCH PARTY

two.one.five™ Magazine

Check out the details HERE.  I did a write-up of the day on a previous post.  Here's some footage I got after the show of Kush clowning around.  Good times.


*Shout-out Princess Z...it's always a good time when you're around, Zarinah.  xo  All my hip hop heads check out her radio show every Sunday and her music HERE.  She's dope.

R.I.P.  Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein (March 30, 1973 – August 28, 2009)  There was a memorial fund established after his death on his website to help those struggling w/ addiction.  It was a passion and a cause that DJ AM dealt w/ personally and he was in the process of helping others at the time of his death.  You can learn more about that HERE. 

September:  09.12.09  WrittenHouse & MURS @ North Star w/ Ashley.  I heart this chick:  for her taste in music - she burned me ALL of the Wale mixtapes, her maturity, her BLOG, her advice and her good sense.  Good times.

I have blogged about WrittenHouse before, I know those of you who follow me on Twitter see me tweeting about them and to them...I cannot convey enough through words or photos how DOPE these dudes are.  Truly talented brothas doing something different.  If you have the opportunity to check out one of their shows live, DO SO.  Follow them on Twitter, become a fan on their Facebook page, download their mixtape Sunshine Philadelphia Vol 2: The WrittenHouse Effect HERE, #getfamiliar.

The hype man, Sleeves, was absent and missed during the show, but Dame did his best to fill-in.  Here's a dope interview/vid the homies did w/ this chick Krissy Carlson (formerly known as Cosmik Krissy) out of Providence, R.I.  This was filmed outside of The North Star Bar in North Philly.

*Shout-out DJ Ambush, who calls me 'Double T'.  He DJ'ed their set that night @ North Star.  I got a lot of love for that dude right there.  He's involved in a lot of hip hop projects around the City other than DJ'ing.  Check out his Living Proof Radio show w/ the dude MARS every Thursday from 10pm-12am HERE and *FOLLOW* him on Twitter.  xo Beezy. 

October:  10.23.09  New York City w/ Ashley.


We had a helluva ordeal getting from Philly to NYC....and getting home.  The rain.  The hotel in Yonkas (EF YOU, Chaundon!).  The cabs and the trains.  I forgot my belt (ANY belt!) back in Philly and had to wear a dress that requires a belt w/out one!  It was NOT funny @ the time, but it's funny now looking back.  While we were there, we had a BALL.  We watched the entire show front row, I snapped some flics and after the set we hung out w/ the crew.

It was great seeing Aimee, Phonte and Nicolay again.  Muhsinah was not at the performance, but everyone else was:  Zo!, Yahzarah, Carlitta, Darien Brockington, Dho, the band...even Joe Scudda, Pooh & Chaundon came out and did some LB stuff from the archives.  I got a few of the performances on tape uploaded to my YouTube page, you can check that out HERE. 

I've blogged before about their Grammy nod; I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they win and get the recognition they deserve.  SUPPORT great music and talented musicians.  The members of The Foreign Exchange have an extended family w/ solo projects and other releases.  Check my blog for those as well. 


November:  28 November 2009.  10:14pm.  My brother's son, Jackson Thomas, was born.  Clearly the BEST day of 2009.  He's healthy, he's adorable, he's perfect.  I am in LOVE.  And I call him "Jax".

December:  16 December 2009.  Heineken Green Room Party. 

I met Tariq Trotter, aka Black Thought, of the l.e.g.e.n.d.a.r.y. ROOTS Crew !!! 

Do you want more?!!!??!  If so, check out the flics and the blog HERE.  Of course, it was written.

Shout-out Vickie...the lieutenant IS fresh, indeed.  Thank you for sharing my joy w/ me, LOL.  She is a dope photog and you can check her stuff out HERE.    


I also need to shout-out my girl, @FreedomReeves.  She is one of the most beautiful people (inside AND out) I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and honor of getting to know.  We went to the party together, and she is my WITNESS I did not act a fool or show my ass.  I love that woman, check out her site.  Good times.

THIS is just my favorite Roots song EVER...

 

*EDITED b/c I SHOULD have included this prior to posting BUT...there are MANY people - both old & new friends I have had the pleasure of meeting, hanging out w/, learning from, buggin' out w/ - who encourage me to keep writing & keep sharing my thoughts and my experiences w/ y'all.  There are too many to name them all, but I'd like to name one more who is consistent and ever present on my back and in my head pushing me to post my blogs...xo Sherm.  You're the best, bew.  As long as you keep reading, I'll keep writing. 

"Pretty Wings" Maxwell

THIS is my new 'anthem'...if I were to have one. This describes exactly how I'm feeling, what I'm going through. This is what brings people together...the ability to identify w/ what's being communicated...guidance to heal.

I saw Maxwell at The Tower theater once, not w/ 'him'...there were a lot of chicks there and some renaissance black men (is there such a 'man' anymore?!). I remember him sitting on the stage on that stool - handsome, confident and engaging. Sooooo glad he's back...and I've included the LYRICS at the bottom - some fail to realize it's more than beats and flashy production...I co-sign.

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants, no trace,
No residual feelings within you
One day you won't remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love you.
I hope you feel the same.

Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription,find the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be
when you are not with me
I had to lead
I had to live
I had to leave
I had to love

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

I came wrong you were right
Transformed your love into like
Baby believe me, I'm sorry I told you lies.
I turned day into night
Sleep till I die a thousand times
Ah, I should've showed you
Better nights, better times
Better days, and I miss you more and more

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

You will be able to Buy the first CD from his trilogy BLACKsummers’night on Tuesday 07/07/09

I Corinthians 13:11 *ink ideas in progress*

cum essem parvulus loquebar ut parvulus sapiebam ut parvulus cogitabam ut parvulus quando factus sum vir evacuavi quae erant parvuli*When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.*When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I no longer used childish ways.*When I was a babe, as a babe I was speaking, as a babe I was thinking, as a babe I was reasoning, and when I have become a man, I have made useless the things of the babe.*



My neighbors are blasting El DeBarge. Men Bums in the courtyard drinking 40's, laughing (already!). Dirt bikes are noisy and numerous. It's 80+ degrees in Philadelphia today. It's not always sunny in Philadelphia, but it is today. And I'm excited. I'm sad. I'm anxious. I'm grateful.

Thursday should have been closure for me. The process 'continued'...so does the emotional cypher I have been in for months. From these cyphers comes some of the best inspiration anyone could hope for...inspiration motivates me to write...to think...and right now I'm thinking about ink and l.o.v.e.

I gather up

each sound

you left behind

and stretch them

on our bed.

each nite

I breathe you

and become high.

poem #3 sonia sanchez

@Wayno119 (FOLLOW HIM!) and I were Twittin' one night about ink and ideas. I knew then what and I know now where...the question is when?! And why?! I have alot of ink. Other than my face and my neck, I have alot of skin too. I plan to sleeve my entire right arm as well and start on my torso. Gotta get that in great shape first, but I'm definitely going there too. It's my body, and my body is my temple. I'll paint the walls how I see fit.

People who are not into ink like that might not get this. Yes, it's painful. Yes, it's expen$ive. Yes, it's permanent and forever. We realize this going in! But for me it's so much more. It's therapeutic. It awakens all my senses like nothing else can. It proves dedication and loyalty. It's w/ you til the end...when the old you is dead and gone, the ink remains.

This verse, this song, this video...this 'continued' emotional rollercoaster, the 'continued' confusion...the only thing I am emotionally certain of and certainly not confused about is my next tat. My sleeve is private. My reasons and the symbolism of all of it. The art of it is public. You're welcome to look at it. Admire it. Ask who did it (Ben @ Transcending Flesh, xo). My reasons for choosing this are private as well, but if you read and understand the verse, no matter which version you identify w/, I think you'll "get" it.

I'm finding myself piece by piece, tat by tat. It helps me identify what is important - if you're putting something on your body 'forever' it damn sure better be 'important'! What's going on in my life - time to grow up. Be grateful for every day and treasure every moment - you never know when something will be dead and gone from your life, and probably w/ good reason. But the ability to identify what is wrong and what is missing - these are the most valuable lessons.

Cali/New Mexico blogs coming soon. I have them drafted just need to add photos. 215s & Heartbreaks as well. Very personal, not sure if I'm ready to share that one just yet. Thanks for the support and encouragement. I'm getting there...

p.s. The 1st translation of I Corinthians 13:11 is Latin. And just b/c...I think it looks and sounds beautiful.

Horoscope today...

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)

Pretending someone is what they are not is a dangerous game. You can't be idealistic about what someone is really about. Take off your blinders today and see that person for who they truly are. What other people have been saying hasn't been to your liking, but it may be true. Look at the entire person, see all of their imperfections, and who knows? You might even like them more than you did before! Seeing all sides of people may be a rude awakening from a dream state, but you have to wake up some time.

Isn't that the fucking truth?! So relieved I am done w/ the bullshit and the blinders are OFF. Blogs coming soon ;)